Because of You
by sherryfan1
Summary: one shot songfic. Eric's first marriage fell apart when his wife asked him to leave, and to leave behind his youngest daughter. Now with his wife's death his daughter reveals the struggles of her life with the woman who fought to keep her.


So this is my first attempt at a song fic...so please be nice.

It's a one shot so this is it, but still R&R...reviews make me happy...they make me want to write more.

DISCLAIMER-I don't own 7th Heaven or the song Because Of You

Background: If you've read my other stories it's the same basic character, just different circumstances.

Teen age daughter of Eric Camden and his 1st wife. Eric was asked to leave by her mother and from there he marrys Annie and all other 7th heaven characters are implied. She was the youngest of there children. This story picks up and pretty much gives background.

**Hope you enjoy! Please R&R!

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I sat in the hospital that same way I had been doing for the last two years, but this time was different this time, it was final.

For two years now I have been back and forth to this same hospital with my mom.

For two years I had watched her dying.

But really she died inside a long time ago.

My parents decided to separate a long time ago, I was only five.

My mother decided she wanted to keep me with her, but that my dad could take my other brother and sisters.

She was the one who wanted to leave, but she said it was because of him.

Now sitting here in the sterile waiting room once again, I wondered if it really had been because of him.

We had always seemed so happy together.

I had no bad memories of my family when we were together.

My bad memories began when they left.

My life had not been one you would expect of a typical five year old.

Once my mom left, I became the adult.

I had to take care of myself and her.

Once she was diagnosed with cancer I begged her to call my dad.

But she just yelled and said he had moved on now.

I didn't blame him; I would have liked to move on.

I would have gone with him.

I wished he had fought harder for me.

I picked up the tan phone on the table beside me and pressed zero.

The operator answered," Can I help you?"

I said," I need a number for Eric Camden in Glen Oak."

She asked," Would you like me to connect you?"

I said," Yes please."

She asked," Who can I say is connecting?"

I paused for a minute debating whether I should be doing this," Sarah…His daughter."

She said," Hold one moment while I place the call."

A few seconds later I heard that voice on the other end of the phone.

The one I heard in my dreams.

"Sarah, is that really you? Where are you?"

I said as tears broke through my voice even though I tried my hardest not to cry," It's me daddy. I'm at St. Anne's Hospital in Boston. Mom is really sick."

He asked," What's wrong?"

I said as I bit my cheek to keep the tears inside," She's dying."

He said," I'm coming. I'll be there as soon as I can."

Then we said good bye and he was gone.

I never expected him to actually come, but when I woke up the next morning he was there, with all my family.

I hugged him and then they all sat down.

Dad asked," What's wrong with your mom?"

I said," She has cancer. She was diagnosed two years ago. She's in a coma."

He said," I'm sorry about every thing."

I looked down at the floor and said," You tried."

We sat there all day, no one really said much.

The next morning my mom died.

The funeral was at the church down the street from our apartment.

We hadn't gone to church after we got here.

My mom said there was nothing there…it was all stories.

How I longed for those "stories" as a child.

Those stories were filled with hope, faith, promise, and so much love.

They had every thing I had ever wanted.

My dad asked me the day before the funeral," Is there anything you want to do for the funeral?"

I asked," Would it be bad if every thing I said wasn't good."

He asked," What do you mean?"

I said," There's something I want to say, but it's not nice, but it's how I feel."

He said," It's only really going to be us there, so you can say whatever you need to say to move on."

I said," I want to talk them."

He said," Okay. I'll leave you alone so you can have some time to think. I'm down the hall if you need me."

He kissed my forehead and left.

I turned on my cd player and turned the cd to the song I played over and over everyday. It was my life.

It was every thing I had always wanted to tell my mom, but had always been afraid to say.

I was going to say it at the funeral.

I was going to get closure.

I stood up in front of my dad, step mom, and all my siblings and a few friends who had come to the funeral.

I said," I asked my dad yesterday if it would be wrong for me to say something bad here today. He told me to tell what was in my heart.

There is a song that tells my life so well. It's every thing I always wanted to tell my mom, but was too afraid to say…

My mom asked my dad to leave when I was five, and then she fought him to keep me.

I never lived in one place for long.

I didn't have friends, I was never there long enough to make them.

We moved from place to place, city to city always running away from something, even though I never knew what it was.

I lived in every place you can think of hotels, mansions, alleys…I never knew where we would be next, what we would be doing to pay for our food and clothes.

I learned fast from my mom not to turn down an offer for a job whether it was washing dishes or carrying trash.

I didn't know who to trust. My mom wasn't my mom anymore.

We didn't live like we used too.

There wasn't love in our house.

We weren't mother and daughter…we were business partners.

Crying wasn't allowed in our house.

For two years I took care of her as she slowly was eaten away by cancer.

I wanted so bad to leave, I want to get away.

But we had always had each other.

She made me who I was.

At five I took care of her.

I was never a child.

I was never given the chance to play outside in the grass or go to the park with friends.

The legacy my mother left me isn't one I want to follow.

I hit the play button on the cd player and walked down off the pulpit as the music filled the church.

I walked up to the coffin and laid down a rose on top and said," I'm going to write my own legacy."

I sat down on the front row as the vocals to the song began…

_I will not make the same mistakes that you did_

_I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery_

_I will not break the way you did_

_You fell so hard_

_I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far_

_Because of you_

_I never strayed to far from the sidewalk_

_Because of you_

_I learned to play on the safe side_

_So I don't get hurt_

_Because of you_

_I find it hard to trust_

_Not only me, but everyone around me_

_Because of you_

_I am afraid_

_I lose my way_

_And it's not too long before you point it out_

_I cannot cry_

_Because I know that's weakness in your eyes_

_I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh_

_Every day of my life_

_My heart can't possibly break _

_When it wasn't even whole to start with_

_Because of you_

_I never strayed to far from the sidewalk_

_Because of you_

_I learned to play on the safe side_

_So I don't get hurt_

_Because of you_

_I find it hard to trust_

_Not only me, but everyone around me_

_Because of you_

_I am afraid_

_I watched you die_

_I heard you cry_

_Every night in your sleep_

_I was so young_

_You should have known better than to lean on me_

_You never thought of anyone else_

_You just saw your pain_

_And now I cry_

_In the middle of the night_

_For the same damn thing_

_Because of you_

_I never strayed to far from the sidewalk_

_Because of you_

_I learned to play on the safe side_

_So I don't get hurt_

_Because of you_

_I tried my hardest just to forget every thing_

_Because of you_

_I don't know how to let anyone else in_

_Because of you_

_I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty_

_Because of you_

_I am afraid_

_Because of you_

_Because of you_

The song seemed to echo though the church.

I sat there staring at the coffin of a women who had taken every thing away from me…my family, my childhood, my hope, my faith, and for a long time I though she had taken my future too.

But now, My future looked bright.

I had my dad, my brother, my sisters…I had a chance at a normal life.


End file.
